For some reason I have felt the need to start writing. Maybe as a way of therapy, Maybe for enjoyment, I'm really not sure. I am hoping through writing it will bring a sense of calm and healing for me.

I am a private person, tend to keep things to myself, and try to see the positive in every situation. Sometimes this really isn't the best way. I have pages and pages of words that need to be put to paper, but just am not sure where to start.

I am grieving. Grieving for my Daddy whom I lost to lung Cancer Nov. 15, 2009. This is new to me, I have never lost someone so close to my heart. I know there is a reason for everything that happens and that it is in God's control, but my mind constantly thinks and wonders why.

Why does so much pain and heartache have to come to our lives? Why can't there be a cure? The last few months I have had friends who have loved ones with cancer. I pray for them daily and the pain they go through to ease.

As we draw closer to Christmas my mind is filled with memories from past years and how things USED to be. It seems like yesterday I was hauling three little boys to Mom and Dads to open a ton of gifts with my brother, sister, and the rest of the family being there. I remember Daddy being so excited to open his gifts and see what the Grandkids got. This year is different, there is an empty place that will never be filled. Christmas is no longer at Mom and Dad's, new memories will be made, things will be different.

This year I am leaning on God's word, his plan, and his never ending love for us. I am confident that he will bring our family close and allow our hearts to heal and have peace. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas.