Fast approaching

I haven't felt like blogging for awhile. I'm thinking because it will force me to face what's soon approaching and in some way's have been trying to avoid it. I am emotional and know I can only delay it for so long. Daddy will have left us 1 year ago Nov. 15th. I still don't think I have accepted he is gone. Do I have to? Is it unrealistic to believe that there is no way that he could no longer be here?
The pain is as real and as intense as that November 15th day. I question why we must be forced to feel such pain and sorrow?
I think what get's to me the most is the extreme void. Just emptiness and the strong sense that there is a section of our lives thats missing. I struggle everyday to fill it somehow. I cant seem to conquer that.

Some observation's that have I learned this last year?

1. To appreciate my life...as imperfect as it is.

2. To accept imperfection's and dissappointment. Nothing and no one is perfect.

3. Alway's work hard, and realize you will never get ahead of your to do list.

4. See the beauty in thing's that are free.

5. ALWAY's PRAY, even when they don't seem to be answered.

6. Take time to remember. Think of the past, treasure it.

7. Realize it all doesn't have to be done today.

8. Love and be Loved like never before.

9. Stretch beyond your boundries.

10. Reach out and recieve. Give and expect nothing.

40's, what's your thought?

This past few month's I have tried to put my efforts into healing the loss of my Daddy by gaining strength and knowledge of myself both physically and mentally. I have honestly tried to slow myself down in order to learn more about myself. I am constantly going as most Women today are. Work, the boy's, pet's, my wonderful Charles, taking care of a home and lawn, and of course my never ending desire to change decor and think up new idea's. As I have left my 30's and am into the 40's I find myself looking at everything at different angles. Is it really that important? Can it wait? Will it make a difference? Is it positive or negative? Do I really need it? (That's a hard one), How will it affect my boy's and myself. Yes, I think of all of this at once ha ha. I remember in my 20's and 30's hearing Women speak of all the downsides of being over 40. I dreaded the day I faced it. I never heard anything good. Well I am here to share a few good things......

I am finding in my 40's that all is good most day's. I feel blessed to be where I am in life, and feel the way I do. I have worked to be stronger and healthier everyday.
So here are the Positives I have perceived.....

We are generous with praise.
We procrastinate less.
We are dignified, seldom scream, usually only a glare is given if deserved ha ha
We are forthright and honest, we don't hold back.
We embrace and are comfortable with solitude.
We have confidence, and get things done.
We take and OWN responsibility.
We are Psychic, we know what your thinking. REALLY.
We are sexy and comfortable with ourselves, the need to impress is not a concern.
We are smart and good at what we do.
We take no crap.
We love God and honor his word.
We know that true knowledge is learned from other women both young and old.
We are devoted to those we love.
We love Nap's, and now realize, heck yeah we deserve one!
I am curious to know what you have learned in your 40's? Tips for staying healthy, happy, and active. Let's hear it ladies.

Polish recipes: Golabki (golumpki, gwumpki)

Polish recipes: Golabki (golumpki, gwumpki)

Yes i do!!!!!!

“I REALLY want to win a free photoshoot with Shay Cochrane Photography http://www.shaycochrane.com”

Father's Day is Near

This is the first Father's day without Daddy. I dread the day. I don't want to see any card's, balloon's, or mention of it. It will never be the same. I feel many mixed emotions, some in fact cannot be expressed. All I know for certain is, it will be a hard day. Grief is a scary journey that cannot be taught, or even understood. Sometimes feelings and thoughts occur without warning leaving you with question's on how you will get through them. I Thank God for those that know how fragile my heart has been, and I apologize to those who have witnessed my weakness.


I have found myself treasuring any item of daddy's. The memories are always there, but having something of his close brings me comfort and healing. I was cleaning my closet the other day and came across the Va tech jacket he always wore. As I quickly pulled it out, I became angry with myself. Why had I washed it? I remember the day vividly....Daddy was admitted to the Hospital and would be going home the next day. I grabbed up his clothes and jacket, wanting them to be clean and fresh when he left. He fussed at me saying " you don't need to wash those, they will be fine". Looking back, I wished I had listened.


I wanted to have his smell to hold onto. Sound's silly I'm sure but it's how I felt. I just wanted him near me.

Although this upcoming Father's Day I will in someways feel Fatherless because his physical presence is not here, my day will be full of special memories in my mind, for he is with HIS Father in Heaven at peace.



Psalm 68:5 A Father of the Fatherless, and a judge of the Widow's, is God in his holy habitation.

Seasons.......

Lately I have felt God's presence stronger then ever. He know's when I need his grace and comfort more then ever. It seems some day's are great and other's are full of emotion and thoughts. I mostly think of Daddy. I still can't believe he is not here with us. I constantly wonder if he See's us and if he knows how much he is missed.


I do know there is a power much stronger then my own and all that is around us didn't " just happen ". Spring is here, all is in bloom. The dead are being replaced with life, color and bloom. Working in my yard I started thinking.......All of these plants and flowers, they appear to die or "go to sleep" for a season. When the timing is perfect and the season has arrived they all raise up, bloom, are renewed, strengthened, and full of bloom and fragrance


To me I see this as Hope and promise. I feel one day when the season is right, all will be healed, renewed, fresh, and strengthened and will rise. Although we all have loved ones that are gone and no longer physically with us, this Spring season has shown me they truly are not gone, but resting, waiting, for the right Season when all will be awakened and we will be reunited in God's right timing. The beauty around us is truly amazing. Take time to enjoy what is new and have faith and promise that one day all will be renewed.

Birthday wishes sent to Heaven

It's your first Birthday in Heaven

how happy you must be

your body is now healed and your spirit is free

Present's I send you

will be absent in sight

I miss you Daddy, I miss your delight

Heaven is happy

the party begin's

They celebrate your life

and all that's within

Never forgotten and always

the same, the love from your heart will alway's remain

Today we all think of you

love you

celebrate you

honor you....Alway's

The First Day of Spring.....what does it mean for you?

I haven't written in my blog for a while, unsure why. I don't like writing about just anything, but prefer a certain thought, topic or feeling. The truth is I haven't had much of any. I find myself constantly thinking of Daddy. Flipping through the calender today I was hit with the bold letters on March 20th. It reads " Daddy's Birthday". His Birthday fall's on the first day of Spring when all is suppose to be fresh, new, and beautiful. It doesn't feel that way for me. I am dreading his first Birthday in Heaven. He always loved Birthdays, holiday's, or any day there was a fuss over him with presents. All these " firsts " are hard to endure. His Birthday will be celebrated in a different way this year, but it will be celebrated and remembered. I pray everyday that the "second" and following year's will become easier to handle. People have told me they have vivid dreams of loved ones lost. Why don't I have any? Will I ever? Just a simple dream would at least give me a simple sense of his presence. I miss that so much. I know my Mom, Brother and Sister feel the same pain I do. Although I hate them hurting, it brings me a sense of relief that someone knows what I am feeling, even if in a different way. I will welcome Spring with enthusiasm, enjoying all the beauty it brings both in physical beauty and warmth, but most importantly everlasting memories.

The Miracle of Birth and the Nurses who help get you there.

While at work the other day, helping a first time Mom, I overheard the two new Grandmother's talking about how things have really changed since they had their babies. I listened at how they recalled the day of the week, what the weather was doing, who was there, what room they were in, what time contractions started, and the Nurse who shared the birthing experience with them. It is amazing how women remember EVERYTHING about the day they deliver. These ladies delivered 32 years ago at the old Radford Community Hospital, and could recall every detail. What impressed me most is how they spoke of the Nurse they had that day, and how they remembered her in great detail.

How amazing is it to have a job in which the people you care for remember you after such a great deal of time passing. To be in a store and be approached by a Mom with her child who is now twelve years old asking " Do you remember me and my baby John?" Well Umm, No not really, but this Mom knows you just like it were yesterday. How great is that? You walk away feeling guilty for not remembering, but with a sense of pride that you made a difference in what you did that day.

Babies are gift's from God, and Mother's are the Angel's who catch them. Think about your day of delivery, what stands out in your mind about that day. What Nurse did you have? Did she make a difference?
Do YOU remember? As for myself I remember so much with all three of my deliveries. One that stands out is with my first " Tyler " I remember my Nurse Annette smiling at me as I asked for my Epidural at 9Cm's and being told " Now you know its to late for that ". I of course freaked out, only to be sternly told what to do, how to do it, and when. If not for her guidance I would have not delivered 25 minutes later!

Do you have that one special delivery memory? Lets hear it.

Cake Anyone?

January is full of Birthday's in our family. First my son Logan's on the 10th, Second comes Tyler's on the 14th, Third is Bella's on the 25th, ( yes we celebrate our pet's Birthdays as well ) and last is Mom's on the 30th.

I have always felt it to be challenging to have two boy's with Birthday's four day's apart. I enjoy trying to make it a special day for them. The Cake is a huge factor in making that happen. The Walmart bakery cake is their favorite. Always white cake with white icing, decorated however. Doesn't matter as long as there is plenty of icing. For years that's what they request and have always gotten.

This year was no different, I knew I would be buying two sheet cakes all on the same day. I decided since Tyler was returning to Marshall and wouldn't be home, I would send his with him.

I was thinking at the checkout how much money I had just put out on two cakes, and how much cheaper it would be if I had made them myself. I realized with three teenage boy's they would probably be eaten in one or two sittings, and with Tyler taking his for himself I worried that one wouldn't go far with the other two, plus family that was to come over. I decided enough money had been spent on batter and that we would make due and add some ice cream to fill in the spaces as needed.

As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I realized I forgot the ice cream and stopped at Food Lion. As I walked in I noticed a display with two of those huge chocolate chip cookies with decorated icing on them. The sign read " Clearance". They were marked down from $8.99 to $2.99. Wow, my boys loved these, I figured they must be out of date to be reduced that much. Nope the date was 4 days ahead. Still thinking there must be a mistake I placed the two giant cookies in the cart, crossed my fingers and went to check out.

As the teenager checked me out she stated " Man that's a deal" $1.50 each. I said " No I think they are $2.99 each". Well she said evidently they are $1.50 for you today. Great how lucky was that, I would have extra sweets if there wasn't enough cake to go around. I paid and as she handed me my change she asked if I wanted the FREE cake or any of the Free pies they had left over from the day. To my amazement I looked to where she pointed and walked over..............There on the table was a Deli WHITE sheet cake with WHITE icing. I took the cake and cookies and went to my car and sat there a minute humored by what had just happened.

How did I go from worrying I wouldn't have enough cake for everyone to having an abundant amount for everyone with extra to spare?

Maybe its luck? I don't believe in luck, I believe in good and bad. I believe in surprise and wonder, I believe in grace and glory. Is it possible to receive a message in a cake? Definitely.

The message that came to me that day was that there is abundance all around us. Just when you think you may be low or short on an item and you find ways to fill in the gap's and spaces with "replacements", there isn't any for celebrations. You must have cake for everyone. That's why I was handed a free one.

God's love is never ending and abundant. There are no replacements of him. There are no empty spaces that can be filled without him. He cannot be replaced with work, alcohol, drugs, anger, depression, loneliness, hatred, selfishness, abuse, or crime. He is the true one who will always make sure we feel full, with no shortages. What abundances do you have in your life? Have you ever felt you were a little short in an area of your life and knew what you needed only to replace it with something to just fill in the gap? If you continue "just filling in the gap" with whatever to get by, eventually the gap collapses and you are left with a hole to try to climb out of. Instead lets strive to replace our gaps and spaces with a solid foundation with the love of God who will never leave us with a shortage if we just BELIEVE.

Dirty Snow

As I was driving today I couldn't help but notice all the Dirty Snow pushed up on the sides of the road. It didn't seem that long ago that it was falling so clean and beautifully. Enjoying the excitement you feel and the eagerness waiting for the snow and wondering how much will accumulate. Now days later its pushed over, hard, dirty, and unappealing.

I hear people complaining they are tired of it, its to cold, and they are ready for Spring to arrive. These were the same people only days before that were talking about the snow coming, getting groceries in, building snowmen, and talking about how pretty the outside winter wonderland looked. After all it was the Holiday season right?

Sure we got the most snow we have had in a decade and the temperature has been frigid for days, that's why we have been blessed with Seasons.

Thinking about all of this, it made me think about our lives and how God gives us days of winter wonderlands, then days of Dirty Snow. Just like the weather we never know what our "weather" will be for the day or how long it will last.

When the weather is bright and sunny we tend to be out and about running errands and keeping busy. It all seems perfect and bright. When we have snow day's, cant shovel our way out, schools are closed and you cant make it to work, and your in your pajamas all day we some how feel unproductive. Maybe this is Gods way of giving us rest and a "change" of pace. It forces you to slow down, spend time with your Family, and just do nothing. Only he knows what we need and when we need it. We are given seasons for a reason.

During this Winter season I will take joy in the wonderland day's and try to understand the message, word, purpose, teaching, and plan God is giving us on the Dirty Snow days.

As I got closer to home and continued looking at the old dirty snow piled high, I also realized at the same time beautiful, clean snow flurries had started to fall.

I know in my heart, in his way God was telling me that even though the old is dirty and unappealing, new shall come and it will be clean and fresh. It will be renewed.