I haven't written in my blog for a while, unsure why. I don't like writing about just anything, but prefer a certain thought, topic or feeling. The truth is I haven't had much of any. I find myself constantly thinking of Daddy. Flipping through the calender today I was hit with the bold letters on March 20th. It reads " Daddy's Birthday". His Birthday fall's on the first day of Spring when all is suppose to be fresh, new, and beautiful. It doesn't feel that way for me. I am dreading his first Birthday in Heaven. He always loved Birthdays, holiday's, or any day there was a fuss over him with presents. All these " firsts " are hard to endure. His Birthday will be celebrated in a different way this year, but it will be celebrated and remembered. I pray everyday that the "second" and following year's will become easier to handle. People have told me they have vivid dreams of loved ones lost. Why don't I have any? Will I ever? Just a simple dream would at least give me a simple sense of his presence. I miss that so much. I know my Mom, Brother and Sister feel the same pain I do. Although I hate them hurting, it brings me a sense of relief that someone knows what I am feeling, even if in a different way. I will welcome Spring with enthusiasm, enjoying all the beauty it brings both in physical beauty and warmth, but most importantly everlasting memories.
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